Something Fractious About Sylvia

I’ve noticed something mathematically irritating about my mother-in-law Sylvia.

When I was born, she was 23 years old and I had lived exactly none of the time she had already lived.

10 years later when I was 10 she was 33, and I had already lived 3/10 of the time she had lived.

It only took another 5 years for my 15 years of age to equal 4/10 of Sylvia’s 38 years.

Then after only another 8 years I had become 23 to Sylvia’s 46, and I had lived 5/10 or exaclty one-half of her time.

Twelve years later I celebrated 35 and Sylvia had reached 58, about the age I am today and I am shocked to learn that I had reached 6/10 of her time spent here.

Now even if you don’t really understand fractions I can assure you that this is a disturbing trend because it appears that I’m aging faster than Sylvia.

Now move ahead 17 years to 2009 when I first met Sylvia.  I was all happy-go-lucky at age 52 and Sylvia was 75, and I had lived damn near 7/10 of her age!

I don’t think this is at all fair, and I can report that meeting Sylvia was therefore a disturbing milestone for me.

Today, 5 years after I met Sylvia, it’s 2014, I am 57, and Sylvia celebrates her 80th year.  The math tells me that I’ve firmly passed 7/10 of her age and I can say that I’ve gotten over it, and I’m now okay with her having lived so long.

And 23 years from now when I find myself at the age Sylvia is today, and when she has become 103, my only consolation will be that I still will not have reached 8/10 of her age!

All of this proves why we don’t live forever: we’d all be the same age, and then birthdays (and math) wouldn’t be any fun at all.

Happy birthday to Sylvia on October 18, and for both our sakes I hope our ages never meet.

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