Monthly Archives: April 2016

Algebra™ May Be Right For You

ThisWeakSnoozePostImage.png   You’re at a time in your Middle School life when you can’t afford to slow down. You’ve worked hard to get here, and now you want to enjoy the good things coming your way.

Sure, it’s been a struggle to master the Fundamental Theorem of Algebra™ for which every non-zero, single-variable, degree-n polynomial has exactly n roots. But if you’re experiencing the fear of unknowns and have lost touch with your roots, taking Algebra™ (algorithmic mathematicus) may be right for you.

Classroom studies prove that taking Algebra™ twice daily increases mathematical function, reduces quadratic uncertainty, decreases word problems, resolves irrational number fears, simplifies free radicals, helps reduce the negative effects of Negative Numbers™, and exponentially improves tolerance of exponents.

Possible Side Effects:

  • A small percentage, fraction, or decimal-equivalent of people taking Algebra™ may experience certain unwanted side effects such as graying square roots, reversion to pre- Algebra™, an increase in unknowns, and an intolerance to homework.
  • Taking Algebra™ may not be appropriate if you experience inequalities, have trouble finding smallest common denominators or combining like-terms, have difficulty solving one-step equations, and have a history of abusing the distributive property.
  • Do not let Algebra™ come into contact with parents or other adults.
  • Tell your teacher if you think you might be pregnant or have irresistible teenaged urges to engage in activities that may lead to pregnancy such as SnapChatting, InstaGramming, FaceTiming, WhatsApping, Sexting, Selfies, Simultaneous Equations, Twerking, and Parking.
  • Do not take Algebra™ if you experience frequent factoring or have difficulty eliminating variables associated with Pythagorea.
  • Stop taking Algebra™ if you experience negative numbers and have slopes lasting more than four hours.
  • Frequent use of Algebra™ may lead to a dependence on Geometry.

Ask your teacher about whether Algebra™ may be right for you. Algebra™ is covered by most lesson plans. You may be eligible for help in paying for Algebra™.

Don't let Middle School slow you down.  Call now for a free pamphlet describing the benefits of Algebra™, and we’ll send you, FREE, a selection of X, Y, and Z variables that you can use anywhere.


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photo credit: Quadratic Formula by klg via photopin (license)